Skidoo, Part Two: Woo Hoo

So, I finished watching "Skidoo" recently, and I have to say, for a movie with such a bad reputation, it really wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Sure, it was pretty bad, with some rather disturbing moments, such as Carol Channing in her bra and panties and one line that's supposed to be funny but comes across as incredibly tacky. (More on that later.) But for the most part, it's just like the first 15 minutes suggested: It's not funny, nor aggressively offensive, but rather just flat. It's a comedy that not only has few laughs, but it doesn't even seem like it tries. (I might write a review for my movie review blog later.)

Sadder still, the bizarro lines didn't come as often as I'd hoped. Most of the oddness of the film comes through its visuals, and although I know people put images in their signatures all the time, I don't have a copy of the movie to get screengrabs from, and I don't want to find them online. Besides, I hate it when people put images in their signatures. I tend to prefer wordy humor.

Still, I don't want to disappoint all the people who may one day read this blog. So I've tried to find what little absurd lines there are in the remaining hour and a half of film that I watched.

"You know what? You look like a flower." "That's funny. I feel like a flower."

"It's the Green Bay Packers... they're all naked!"

"I'm an angel! I'm a goddamn angel! Hallelujah!"

"There are only three great Americans: Washington, Lincoln, and me!"

"He ain't Loretta, he's Gertrude!"

"There's gotta be somebody there! It's a federal prison, and I'm a taxpayer!"

"Hey! Keep the noise down! You'll wake the baby!"

There's also a scene that deserves its own YouTube video (although it might get deleted after five minutes, since the movie is owned by Viacom--although there are videos of it around that haven't been yanked, so you never know). You see, near the end of the movie, several prisoners sneak LSD into the prison's food supply, and somehow, all the prisoners and workers and visitors ingest it. (This is what leads to the lines above as well.) Naturally, they go goofy, leading to an incredible sequence where two tower guards see some prisoners taking garbage cans out, and then... sigh...

The garbage cans sprout arms and legs and start dancing. No, really. I'm not making this up.

Crazier still is what they're dancing to: A Harry Nilsson song about "life in a garbage can." (Harry Nilsson did the soundtrack to "Skidoo," and even has a small part as one of the hallucinating tower guards.) I can't find lyrics to the song online, which is a damn shame, because it's just full of absurd lines. Thankfully, since "Skidoo" is up in pieces on YouTube, I was able to find it and transcribe it. Take your pick.

Living in a garbage can be a lot of fun
It has its ups, doo-doo-doo, and downs
Oh paper cups and coffee grounds
Life in a garbage can be a lot of fun
Especially if you meet the perfect un-yun
Oh the great garbage can it's just full of good stuff
All the discarded refuse of man
Like the half-used banana
Whose girlfriend is Anna
Who shan't let us out of this can
Wow-wow-wow, said the poor Brussel sprout
A-dibbity-bye
If only the banana and me could get out
We'd find an asparagus
Who'd stand up and marry us
But the first thing to do is get out
Wow-wow-wow
Now an old piece of ham is in love with some lamb
But a young head of lettuce is too
Now said the ham to the lettuce
The lamb won't forget us
As soon as he learns out of view [?]
Whoa-whoa-whoa, the great garbage can
A-dibbity-dah
It's a tribute to the ingenuity of man
Where corn and tomatoes
Are mixed with potatoes
And thrown in together with ham
Where a brussel sprout and a sauerkraut can get together and have it out
And no one seems to care about the pan
And a suckotash and a piece of hash can get together and have a bash
Oh life is always equal in the can!

The song is actually kind of fun, but unfortunately you have to get through nearly an hour and a half of lame to get to it. (Or you could get the soundtrack -- or better yet, go to the end of part 8 and continue with part 9. I may try and fix up a copy.) The Harry Nilsson song where he sings the end credits (yes, really) is fun too. Hell, even Carol Channing singing the theme is kind of catchy. (Yes. Really.) Maybe the soundtrack is better than the movie. That happens a lot, it seems.

Oh, and one last quote. This one is for those of you who want to be shocking and don't mind being banned from message boards. After Jackie Gleason trips on LSD (yes, really), his cellmate gets excited and makes the following unbelievable statement:

"Hey... maybe if I took some of that stuff... I wouldn't have to rape anybody anymore!"

That's "Skidoo" for you.

Skidoo - Part One

As I mentioned in my introductory post, I use a signature from an old trailer to an old, obscure movie. (This was back when trailers were more like sales pitches than summaries of the movie.) The movie, "Skidoo," was a pretty big bomb, and from what I've seen, trust me, it deserved it. I mean, if Groucho Marx can't make your movie funny, no miracle could.

Anyway, the trailer featured Dr. Timothy Leary (!) extolling the virtues of "Skidoo." One can only hope that he was high while watching it (if he ever did). Intercut with his pitch is a black man trying to sound hip, and Groucho Marx coming up with a line that's actually funny.

So anyway. The line I use?

Anybody who don't like that, daddy, don't like chicken on Sundays. --Random black guy

It's so random and yet so generic that it fits everything I post about.

Other lines from the trailer (note: It's been a while since I saw it, and I may not remember them clearly):

Every young person in the country should turn on mom & dad... by taking them to this movie. --Timothy Leary

I laughed my head off! So if you see a man walking around without his head, that's me! --Groucho Marx

It is the gassiest, grooviest, swingingest, trippiest movie you've ever seen! --Random black man

Can you imagine Groucho Marx being God? --Timothy Leary

(Note: Groucho Marx does not actually play God in the movie. He plays a gangster named "God." That should give you an idea of what the movie is like.)

It'll make you love better. It'll make you feel better. And it's even legal! --Timothy Leary

Naturally, none of these lines are actually good descriptors of the movie. I've only seen about 13 minutes of it, and it doesn't have any real laughs; it's very, very flat. I anticipate it will only get worse.

Nonetheless, I do have a few lines from early in the film:

Remember: For family fun, get your gun! --Random advertisement

He's not a hippie, he's bleeding! --Jackie Gleason's daughter

So why are you driving a beat-up Rolls Royce? Why aren't you driving a beat-up Ford? --Jackie Gleason

"Why do you dress like that?" "Well, we can't all be undertakers, man." --Jackie Gleason and Hippie (John Philip Law)

Just to make sure you're clear: This is supposed to be a counter-culture comedy. How much of that did you laugh at? And how much of that laughter was actual amusement, as opposed to the bad laugh, the kind of "Are you kidding me?" laughing?

Gosh, my first real post and it's 60% explanation. Hopefully, I'll get better at this.

PS: Despite not laughing at any of the "Skidoo" I've seen (with the exception of the Groucho line from the trailer), I plan to watch the DVR copy I got last Friday. (I'd explain more, but you can find more information elsewhere on the Internet. Sorry.) Hopefully, I'll get more clinker lines for signatures.