A while back, on the board I frequent, somebody put up a bunch of quotes from the "Harry Potter" books that sounded very dirty if you were in the right frame of mind. Since I'm lazy, I figured this would make a nice quickie post. Enjoy!
"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WAND OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!"
"Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes."
"Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this."
"...when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir," said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, "when Winky has been very drunk."
"He was rather taller than Snape, who, Harry noticed, had balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his wand."
"Stand up and take out your wand, Potter."
"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."
"Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes."
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand.
"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."
"Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment.
"Wet." He said truthfully.
"What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. "Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?"
"Running to Daddy now, are you? Is his ickle boxing champ frightened of nasty Harry's wand?"
"Say hello to him [Hagrid] for us!" called Hermione, as Harry proceeded down the ward. "And ask him what's happening about...about his little friend!"
"... every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again..."
"Anyway, its a nightmare of a year, the fifth," said George. "If you care about exam results, anyway. Fred and I managed to keep our peckers up somehow."
"He [Harry] tried to eat, but it was like chewing carpet."
"Ha ha ha, Harry, look at it--" said Ron, watching it disgorge its gaudy innards. "Harry, come and touch it, bet it's weird--"..."Harry, look what's happen--no--no, I don't like it--no, stop--stop--"
"One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley."
"...which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and the bushes and watch the foursome under the tree."
"Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defence against external penetration?"
...She pressed hard on the top of his head. "Doesnt it ever lie flat?" she said desperately. Harry shook his head.
"Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering trough various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."
"He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking toward the door with their wands pointing into each other's faces and Harry immobile between them..."
"We're not going to use magic," Ron ejaculated loudly.
“Well-- it’s just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to-- what is the phrase?-- come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius.”
"Zacharias folded his arms and said nothing, though perhaps this was because he was too busy keeping an eye on the instrument in Fred's hand."
"Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands raised..."
"Who?" said Harry quickly.
"Ginny Weasley, " said Katie.
Harry gaped at her.
"Yeah, I know," said Angelina, pulling out her wand and flexing her arm. "But she's pretty good, actually. Nothing on you, of course," she said, throwing him a very dirty look, "but as we can't have you..."
"I was sure if he realized that our relationship was - or ever had been - closer then that of headmaster and pupil..."
"A couple of weeks after his dream of Rookwood, Harry was to be found, yet again, kneeling on the floor of Snape's office..."
"You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure. "You think you're such a big man, Potter," said Malfoy, advancing now, Crabbe and Goyle flanking him. "You wait. I'll have you."
Both Sirius and Snape lowered their wands... the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses seemed to have brought them to their senses...
"But what's going on?" asked Mr. Weasley.
"Nothing, Arthur," said Sirius, who was breathing heavily as though he had just run a long distance."
Twelve and a quarter inches...pleasantly springy. It's in fine condition...You treat it regularly?"
"Polished it last night," said Cedric, grinning.
Harry looked down at his own wand. He could see finger marks all over it. He gathered a fistful robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it. Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look."
"JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WAND OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!"
"Quite astonishing, the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes."
"Or any part of your body, really, we're not fussy where we stick this."
"...when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir," said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, "when Winky has been very drunk."
"He was rather taller than Snape, who, Harry noticed, had balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his wand."
"Stand up and take out your wand, Potter."
"I thought not," said Snape, watching him closely. "You let me get in too far. You lost control."
"Manners, Potter," said Snape dangerously. "Now, I want you to close your eyes."
Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told. He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wand.
"He was on all fours again on Snape's office floor."
"Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment.
"Wet." He said truthfully.
"What did he do to you, Diddy?" Aunt Pentunia said in a quavering voice, now sponging sick from the front of Dudley's leather jacket. "Was it-- was it you-know-what, darling? Did he use-- his thing?"
"Running to Daddy now, are you? Is his ickle boxing champ frightened of nasty Harry's wand?"
"Say hello to him [Hagrid] for us!" called Hermione, as Harry proceeded down the ward. "And ask him what's happening about...about his little friend!"
"... every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again..."
"Anyway, its a nightmare of a year, the fifth," said George. "If you care about exam results, anyway. Fred and I managed to keep our peckers up somehow."
"He [Harry] tried to eat, but it was like chewing carpet."
"Ha ha ha, Harry, look at it--" said Ron, watching it disgorge its gaudy innards. "Harry, come and touch it, bet it's weird--"..."Harry, look what's happen--no--no, I don't like it--no, stop--stop--"
"One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley."
"...which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and the bushes and watch the foursome under the tree."
"Harry's heart began to pump very fast indeed. Defence against external penetration?"
...She pressed hard on the top of his head. "Doesnt it ever lie flat?" she said desperately. Harry shook his head.
"Panting, Harry fell forwards over the hydrangea bush, straightened up and stared around. There were several faces peering trough various nearby windows. Harry stuffed his wand hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."
"He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking toward the door with their wands pointing into each other's faces and Harry immobile between them..."
"We're not going to use magic," Ron ejaculated loudly.
“Well-- it’s just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to-- what is the phrase?-- come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius.”
"Zacharias folded his arms and said nothing, though perhaps this was because he was too busy keeping an eye on the instrument in Fred's hand."
"Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands raised..."
"Who?" said Harry quickly.
"Ginny Weasley, " said Katie.
Harry gaped at her.
"Yeah, I know," said Angelina, pulling out her wand and flexing her arm. "But she's pretty good, actually. Nothing on you, of course," she said, throwing him a very dirty look, "but as we can't have you..."
"I was sure if he realized that our relationship was - or ever had been - closer then that of headmaster and pupil..."
"A couple of weeks after his dream of Rookwood, Harry was to be found, yet again, kneeling on the floor of Snape's office..."
"You are not in a position to bargain, Potter," said Lucius Malfoy, his pale face flushed with pleasure. "You think you're such a big man, Potter," said Malfoy, advancing now, Crabbe and Goyle flanking him. "You wait. I'll have you."
Both Sirius and Snape lowered their wands... the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses seemed to have brought them to their senses...
"But what's going on?" asked Mr. Weasley.
"Nothing, Arthur," said Sirius, who was breathing heavily as though he had just run a long distance."
Twelve and a quarter inches...pleasantly springy. It's in fine condition...You treat it regularly?"
"Polished it last night," said Cedric, grinning.
Harry looked down at his own wand. He could see finger marks all over it. He gathered a fistful robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it. Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look."
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